Category Archives: musings

no voice

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Today is the fifth day I have gone without a voice. It kind of sucks. But it’s also kind of interesting. I don’t feel sick, just tired, so I’m mostly able to go about my life normally except that my main mode of communication is now cut off.

I spent some time the other night thinking about what it would be like to go through the rest of my life unable to talk. To those of you that know me, you know that’d be very difficult for me!

Modern technology has made it much easier for a voiceless person to communicate. I don’t feel very cut off since I can text message and email with friends. However, I couldn’t chat with my grandma when she called me yesterday. And when I went to get dog food yesterday afternoon, the clerk seemed confused at first when I wasn’t responding verbally.

Luckily, I normally tend to talk with my hands (thanks, Grandma!) so that makes it somewhat easier, at least in my mind. Perhaps what others are seeing is a red-nosed, wild-eyed, redhead maniacally waving her arms about, almost whacking strangers in the head. I think I’m communicating because the clerk smiles and rings me up. What’s really happening is that she’s terrified and wants to get me out of the store as quickly as possible. One of her hands on the register, the other on the red emergency button.

In general, it seems that once people notice that I can’t talk, they get more polite and helpful. Perhaps its my perspective. Maybe I’m a bit more passive since I can’t defend myself vocally. It’s an interesting interaction with the world.

But the idea of not being able to talk, or yell, or call for help, unnerves me a bit. What happens if I need to make an appointment with my doctor since I can’t talk on the phone? If someone breaks in to my house at 2am, how do I communicate to the 911 operator? What if I fall down and can’t get up? I went to the grocery store with a friend yesterday afternoon. She wandered away to grab some eggs and I couldn’t call after her to get me a dozen too. Okay, that one was more of an annoyance than necessity, but still.

I hope my voice comes back soon.

on organizing a ride

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I’ve organized a number of shorter rides, but realized this morning that this was the first time I’ve created a longer ride.
It is more involved, and I thought of some things either too late or at the last-minute.

Things I learned (or knew but forgot and then remembered while on the ride) today:

* Get the route planned and solid at least a couple of days ahead of time.
* Have an end location. The group can stop, shake hands, say goodbyes, and be on
   their way. Creates a nice conclusion.
* Don’t put a friend on the spot at the last-minute because I get cold feet about
   leading the group in twisties.
   I am a good rider, and can set a fine pace.
   If someone wants to go faster, they can pass.
* Keep better track of who leaves early.
   We had a kinda big group today, and a number of people had to leave
   at various points in the ride.
* Don’t forget to bring water.
* Don’t forget to bring ibuprofen. Especially when you still have a stiff neck.
* Relax. It’s a lovely day and everyone is having a good ride.

I’m sure there are many more things I will think of to add to this.
But now, I just got home from this very fun ride and I’m hungry.
Thank you, Howlers VMC for a great day!

identity

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Tonight I went to my first Zumba class. For those of you that don’t know what Zumba is, from what I could tell from the class, it’s a light dance class that is supposed to be aerobic. I doubt my heart rate ever hit aerobic levels this evening, but I can see how if I did it regularly and perhaps for two hours instead of one, it could be decent exercise.

One of the reasons I could tell I wasn’t working that hard was because I spent a fair amount of time thinking. And that means I wasn’t being forced to concentrate on a difficult workout.

A few thoughts wandered around my head included the idea that I wanted to go do some weight lifting after class. I like it when I feel the ache and pull in my muscles, and this class was not satisfying that craving.

Another thing that struck me was that I didn’t feel comfortable. Yes, it was my first class and the new dance steps occasionally caused me to bump into the person next to me, but it wasn’t that. The feeling was that this wasn’t my thing. It just didn’t click. The music was ridiculously auto-tuned and the moves were what stands these days for sexy, but I found them rather unappealing and awkward (boy does that sentence make me sound old. Ha!) I considered what it would take to get certified so that I could host a Punk and/or Metal Zumba class. Wouldn’t it be great to Zumba to Iron Maiden and Bad Brains? Throw in some Cranes and Pixies just for a change of pace?

I started to wonder what it was that didn’t ‘click’ for me and why. What is it about me that wasn’t drawn to this? And what defines me as the me that didn’t quite get that type of dance exercise? Was it that I don’t like poorly created music? Was it because of the ungainly movements? What about this Zumba class did I define as “not me?”

Seems a bit existential for a Zumba class.

I like that.

Maybe I’ll go again.