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About james

hoyden will follow the free tendencies of desire hoyden is a pill dropped in a glass of water hoyden is an illusion on a surface of memory hoyden is a finger resting on the controls of a broken machine hoyden turns as she pleases toward all horizons hoyden is perfect sadism, at least as a method hoyden is a beautiful chimera hoyden crouches to intercept shadows hoyden is not in the habit of saluting the dead hoyden will always find buyers hoyden is at most a thinking reed hoyden writes sad and ardent love letters hoyden is a door someone opened hoyden is a dark intention hoyden never waits for itself hoyden leaves an exquisite corpse

snow days

Growing up in southern Illinois made for plenty of opportunities for snow days.
The best thing about winter was getting school days off due to inclement weather. It was like a kid holiday!

I’d wake up at my usual time in the wee hours of the morning. Grandpa would have already been downstairs to put wood in the furnace, but it would still be chilly in the house. I would make a sleepy jog to the bathroom, where my mom always started little portable heater before I got in there. Toasty!

Mom made breakfast in the morning – eggs and toast, glass of milk and a half grapefruit (if they were available). On these snowy mornings, the radio set to WSIU made announcements of school closures. I listened in anticipation and eagerness as the list was announced. The idea of trudging in snowy cold the half mile to the bus stop was not appealing. The joy of hearing my school name spoken through the old speakers set me to dancing in the living-room.

Those snow days were usually filled with snow-ball wars with my neighbor friends and hot chocolate. There was definitely a Rockwellian feeling to those innocent wintry days.

I’m often surprised by the amount of oversight kids have now. When I was a kid, I would tell my mom that I was going over to Tammy’s house or Billy’s house or go play in the woods with our dog, Hoka, and off I’d go to return by dinner time. All that time in-between was mine and mine only. Now, there is no escape from parental eyes – whether it’s a cell phone tether or the addictive Facebook posting of our activities. There is a lack of true ‘aloneness’ these days.

I am lucky to have had these moments in my childhood – from frolicking in the snow, to taking quiet hikes in the woods with only Hoka dog as my companion. My imagination was often a friend with whom I shared these moments with, not the glowing screen of a handheld device.

It snowed in my town yesterday. I woke up to a white covered walkway and street and to the relaxing quiet that only happens after a fresh snowfall. The dogs happily ran around in the powder but came in more quickly than usual. They didn’t clamor for hot chocolate, but the critters did spend ample time lying down in front of the fireplace. Unfortunately, no snow days for me this time. I still look forward to the morning where I’m sipping my coffee and get the notice that work is closed due to inclement weather.

Thanksgiving

My dad decided that going to visit his friends in Corvallis, Oregon for Thanksgiving would be a fun adventure.
We were to meet at his place in Oakland, California and then drive up that Thursday morning. He figured that traffic would be light and it would be a lovely ride.
My dad got ideas in his head like this and wouldn’t be dissuaded and it sounded like fun, so I went along with it.

I’m not sure why we didn’t prepare more.
With an 8.5 hour drive one way, it would have made sense to bring snacks.
Instead, we threw a couple of overnight bags together, tossed them in the car, and got on our way.

We started early, so that we would arrive before the 3pm Thanksgiving dinner.
Driving up the coast would have been a beautiful drive, but it also would have taken almost twice as long. Instead, we shot straight up I-5 through Redding, California and Ashland, Oregon. Somewhere around 10am we started to get hungry. After stopping at a couple of closed fast food restaurants, the hunger pangs really started in on our bellies.

Now, my dad suffered from the particular type of low-blood sugar that made him cranky. Very cranky. After an unsuccessful hour of searching for an open eatery, he was getting downright unpleasant.

The closures were confounding us. We felt like some terrible luck had befallen us.
And then, as if lightning had struck the car, at the same time we yelled out, “Because it’s Thanksgiving!” Our eyes connected and we burst out laughing.
Dad almost had to pull over the car he was laughing so hard.

Soon after this realization, we managed to find a gas station that had some candy bars and snacks, so we loaded up on those and headed on to Corvallis to a wonderful Thanksgiving feast and traditional football with some of my dad’s oldest and dearest friends.

I usually spent Thanksgiving with my mom’s side of the family.
This was one of the few Turkey Days that I remember spending with my dad.
It was wonderful.

Happy Thanksgiving, Pop.
I miss you.

quiet

This morning was our first real frost of the season.
As part of my getting ready ritual I ran to my car, turned the defrost on high, then went back into my little house to finish my warm tea. The outdoor cold brings a crisp quiet to the neighborhood, but it’s usually quiet at 6:30am anyway.

Where I work is not in town – it is out off a small highway surrounded by fields and hills. I arrive at work before anyone else. When I park my car and step out, there is usually a moment I pause and look around at the sunrise.This morning the sun was hitting the frosty grasses and trees and making them glisten. The sky was quiet with no birds chattering. I felt isolated and at peace with my surroundings.

These silent wintry mornings are times where I can imagine a post-apocalyptic world with a minimal population and survival of the fittest.
It sparks my imagination and stories run through my head.

I’ve always been an imaginer.
I suppose growing up an only child who moved often would create that as a survival skill.

When I was in my teens, a good friend of mine and I would often go to a field near our small country town and pretend that we were the last people on Earth. Some days we were a team searching for others, other days we were strangers to each other and had to figure out if the other was friendly or not, and then if we wanted to join forces or battle to the death.

Those days were usually warm spring or fall days, where being outside for long periods of time was an enjoyable adventure.
But these wintry mornings spent in solitude often remind of those care-free days running in the fields.