As I was walking the dog tonight (on a glorious, shining, beautiful desert evening) with my mace/pepper spray lodged in my belt-loop as usual, I realized that I don’t need mace or my gun or even my bad-ass attitude… all I need to do is make sure the dog poops early on in the walk and I have all the protection I need: a big ole bag of smelly dog poop. (is “smelly dog poop” redundant?)

The way I figure, if someone has the audacity to attack me and actually gets past my dog (for those of you who know me and my dog, you know he’s got a temper similar to mine) I will have a handfull of dog crap ready to smear in this jerk’s face or whatever I can shove it. That’s gotta be a pretty good defense.

But then again, nuthin’ my .40 couldn’t take care of….

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